I was born near the advent of color photos. Looking through an old album, my young nephew once asked, “What was it like living when the world was black and white?” Ironically, I did grow up in a black and white world, at least figuratively speaking.
Everything fell into one of two categories: it was perfect or it was unacceptable.
I think I came by it honestly. After returning from my fourth-grade parent-teacher conference, my dad relayed his conversation with my teacher to my mom. “…and I told her, ‘Don’t you EVER give her an A unless that paper is perfect!’”
I came away from church thinking that God was keeping track of everything I did wrong. It was my job to make sure that the good outweighed the bad. The message seemed consistent with the one I heard at home.
Be Perfect.
Being a first born and a people pleaser, I worked hard trying to be everything everyone wanted me to be. As you may imagine, this was extremely stressful. I experienced my first anxiety attack when I was eight years old, not that anyone noticed. Despite my best efforts, it seemed that nothing I did measured up. I translated that into, “I’m not good enough.” Which could be why I married the first guy who paid any attention to me.
The facade of the perfect life all came crashing down when my husband announced he was leaving. There I was, alone, with two children ages four and six, and a part-time job that paid $75 a week. I can’t explain as to how I managed to feed us and pay every bill on time, except that God provided for me even before I knew Him personally.
I definitely wasn’t looking for another husband, but God had other things in mind. I married Bob, who had three children just older than mine. After three decades of marriage, we’ve experienced the joys and struggles of a blended family and the heartbreak of never having completely blended.
Bob brought me to a church where I met Jesus. It took me a long time to wrap my head around the concept of grace. What I was hearing destroyed the picture of God keeping a tally of right and wrong and introduced me to the One who loves me unconditionally. Wrapping my mind around the fact that I was good enough just being who He created me to be, and that I had been good enough all along, was a painstakingly slow process – but a life-changing one.
My children and I began to learn about God together. I was able to introduce them to Jesus and help them to know His unconditional love and His desire for an intimate relationship with them. They grew up with the confidence I didn’t have as a child; one that comes from knowing they are valued and cherished by God, who created them in His image and knows them by name.
In my early thirties I lost something I had taken for granted – my health. My medical problems started with pain in my hip after a long July day spent with the family at an amusement park. I was caught in a downward spiral. Not one of the many doctors I saw could accurately diagnose what was causing my constant pain and declining mobility. Anger and frustration set in. I did everything the doctors suggested but experienced only miniscule improvement. I couldn’t understand why God would allow this to happen to me.
The Holy Spirit brought Jeremiah 29:11-14 to mind and I realized I needed to cooperate with God rather than fight against Him. Through hard work and God’s grace my condition began to improve, but in increments so small that I would have to compare one year to another to see any progress.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity.”
– Jeremiah 29:11
Three years later I was still in a great deal of pain but gaining mobility. I strengthened my legs by riding my bicycle. That is until I was found lying in the middle of the road with a traumatic brain injury.
I don’t remember the accident, though I do remember praying as I regained consciousness. I was telling God I was still there, that I wasn’t going to battle with Him again because of this setback. I found myself on another long road to recovery while I hadn’t yet reached the end of the first one.
The world doesn’t have much use for someone who can’t sit too long or stand too long because of chronic pain, or who has short-term memory loss and a lot of headaches.
But thankfully the ways of the world are not God’s ways.
What does God do with such a person? In my case, He calls her to teach about Him and sends her on a mission trip to Africa – five times! How God managed to convince me to go is a story in and of itself. Suffice it to say, it required a huge leap of faith on my part. It wasn’t easy by any means, but it was life-changing, and my faith grew by leaps and bounds.
I spent 25 years in the desert of major health issues. It was lonely and isolating, but God was with me every step of the way. Pain and limitations are still a part of my life, but I’ve learned that my constraints don’t limit God in the least. The girl who was terrified at the thought of giving the valedictory address at her high school graduation is now a woman eager to share what she’s learned about Christ with as many people as will listen. Failure no longer frightens me. Instead, I have a confidence that comes from knowing that I am cherished by God who looks at my efforts rather than just results.
God not only loves me, He likes me, despite the fact that I will never be perfect.
I know God is cheering me on every time I take a step in His direction.
~Lisa
Digging Deep into God’s Word
“Lisa Koster’s Session: Fantastic!”
“After hearing Lisa, I couldn’t wait to grab my Bible, run to a quiet place, and dig in for myself!”
~ Kami
“If you want an energetic speaker, Lisa Koster is the one for you!
“She knows her Bible and presents it in a way that makes one want to listen to what she has to say. She picks out things that I am sure are given to her by the Holy Spirit; details many of us overlook. She really digs into the Word and gets all of the meat out of it.”
Lisa Lewis Koster has found the answer in an unlikely place: the story of Korah’s rebellion in the book of Numbers.
Lisa brings ancient to modern. Profound connections appear as she demystifies the odd account of Korah and demonstrates how this story is relevant to readers today.
Lisa Lewis Koster 